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DAILY MOTIVATING AND INSPIRATIONAL QUOTES

No one really knows why they are alive until they know what they'd die for Martin Luther King Jr.

DAILY MOTIVATIONAL AND INSPIRATIONAL QOUTES

Those who are not looking for happiness are the most likely people to find it, because those who are searching forget that the surest way to be happy is to seek happiness for others. Martin Luther King Jr.

DAILY MOTIVATIONAL AND INSPIRATIONAL QUOTES

Forgiveness is not an occasional act, it is a constant attitude. Martin Luther King Jr.

DAILY MOTIVATIONAL AND INSPIRATIONAL QOUTES

Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere. Martin Luther King Jr.

HUMAN EMOTION (LOVE)

Human Emotion (Love) - Love means having deep and warm feeling about oneself and others. It involves happiness and responsibility must be noted that sexual activity and like are not the same.

Qualities of Love
- Commitment
- Caring 
- Trust
- Honesty
- Companion
- Understanding
- Tolerance
- Respect
- Forgiveness
- Acceptable
- Responsiblity
- Confidence
- Co-Operation
- Faithfulness

FACTS ABOUT LOVE
- Love is not the same as sexual Involvement.
- First love may often be one of life's must intense memorable experience.
- Love usually takes time to develop.
- In loving relationship people respect and encourageeach other.

MYTHS ABOUT LOVE
-Love longuens all this, but it is not true because there are some issues love cannot resolve e.g poverty,famine etc.
-You can only fall in love once, this is not true because one can fall in love several times, with different people over life time.

8 Things women desperately want from men

Superman: Women love to be protected. So show in more ways than one to prove that you will be her saviour should your damsel land in distress! Women are always in awe of men who can step up in times of conflicts. Be sure you grab every opportunity that situation throws at you

Smell good: Deodorant Ads may be going overboard showing men being lured by women's perfume. But the other way is also true. Choose a deo that suits you. Especially if it's your first date, it's best not to try anything experimental. Know what smells best on you. Remember, what smelt heavenly on your friend might stink on your skin! For everything depends on your body odour. When you spray perfume on your body, what you smell is a combination of the deo spray and your body odour. Choose wise.

Surprises galore: Women love surprises be it chocolates, love notes, gifts or even a bouquet of flowers. Women don't mind them in any numbers. You are sure to score brownie points with this one!

Transparency: Honesty is still the best policy. Never lie to her if you are thinking of a long-term relationship. Never mind you will face some initial flak, but eventually you will win over her trust.

Perfect body: What with the celebrities being obsessed with getting a six pack or eight pack abs, girls too go ga ga over men with a well-toned body. Get into the habit of regular workout so you can make heads turn!

Dress well: Nothing turns off a women than a poorly-dressed man. Do a style-check, spot the trends in fashion, speak to a stylist to find out what looks best on you. Clothes maketh man literally!

Crowning glory: Nothing like a funky haircut! A good hairstyle can give you a different look altogether. What are you waiting for? Get that stunner look so you can impress that chick you have been eyeing.

Magic of your hands: You might have taken your girlfriend to the hottest restaurants in town, yet she will not mind if you can cook one of her favourite dishes (or even plain instant noodles) when she's hungry. Such moments are never forgotten.

There's a joke doing the rounds that 'A woman's mind is cleaner than a man's That's because she changes it more often'. However, there are some things that remain constant.

The Power and Importance of a Weekly Review

                              ALWAYS MAKE A WEEKLY REVIEW

I could argue that the single-most important thing I do all week to keep myself focused and productive is the weekly review.
My process is based on the more extensive Weekly Review (capitalization added for emphasis and importance) in David Allen’s Getting Things Done system.  My version is a bit shorter, but in my opinion still highly valuable and easier to emulate (as well as stick with on a regular basis).
It starts with a comprehensive inventory of projects.  I keep these in Outlook Tasks tagged as “Projects – Active”.  For me, a project is anything that’s more than one task.  Something I can’t or won’t get done right away.
These projects cover a lot of ground.  All work-related projects (for the business, for clients, for staff, etc.), all household projects, things I need to do in my personal life, etc.  I use this as a safety net to keep track of all the more comprehensive things I want to get done.  Oftentimes, if I come up with a project in the middle of the week that doesn’t need to be worked on right away, I’ll add it to the Project list and literally “forget about it” until the next weekly review.
I do also have a “Projects – Someday” list that’s full of things I eventually want to do.  I typically review this list quarterly to see if anything needs to be moved to the Active list.
So, Sunday night.  Dinner, get kids to bed, pour a nice little Scotch.
I print out that Active Projects list so I have it physically in front of me.  I have it alphabetized by topic so it’s easier to work through.  For example, something that’s a Heinz Marketing project might be titled “Heinz Marketing: Holiday Party Planning”.  Sometimes a project will have notes included or attached, sometimes not.
Then, with Scotch in hand, I work through each Project on the list one by one.  At each step, I do one of the following:

• Identify an immediate next steps for my task list:  If it’s something I haven’t worked on yet or in awhile, I quickly identify the immediate next thing I need to do – the tactical, single next task – to move that project forward.  Typcially this gets assigned to myself as a to-do later in the week.  I don’t worry about whatever task comes after that.  This usually gets notated once the first task is complete, or there’s next week’s review to pick it back up again.
• Make a note to ask for an update on something I’m waiting for: Sometimes I’m waiting for a deliverable or update from someone else, and the weekly review helps me remember to ask for and get that more quickly.
• Confirm (on paper or in my head) that I already have the right next step in my task list:  Self-explanatory.
• Defer to next week: This happens quite often. Many things on my active project list just aren’t going to get attention in the coming week given other priorities.  In this case, I give myself permission to literally forget about it until the following week’s review
• Delete the project: If it’s been completed, it’s gone. Sometimes projects get moved to the “someday” folder, but most of the time they stay active until they are completed.

What results from this is typically a fairly full to-do list for the coming week.  But it gives me confidence that I’m focusing on the right things, and not letting anything fall through the cracks.
During the week, new projects get added.  Sometimes that comes with an immediate first to-do on my task list, sometimes I just wait until the next weekly review.
I think of this as my weekly safety net.  If I’m focused, I can typically get this done in 30 minutes or so.

If you do something similar, I’d love to hear about it.  And if you give this one a shot, I’d love to hear how it goes!

By Matt Heinz

CHANGE IS A MATTER OF CHOICE

                                       MAKE A CHANGE

At a certain age, you find yourself staying up for the midnight ball-dropping. So, it is time for millions to make utterly empty New Year’s resolutions. But the truth is, most are empty of resolve all year long. I doubt most even know the meaning of the word “resolution.” Actually, thetwo meanings. It’s instructive. Even if you think you know, look it up.
Most carry the same unresolved problems over year after year. I always start the year with a short list of nagging, misery-making problems I intend erasing during the year. It’s my hit list, like an assassin’s kill list. I am rarely 100% successful at scratching items off the list. But I have 80%, even 90% years, and I am more successful at it than I would be without the list. Cumulatively, the list is shorter now then in years past.
Most like Mike Vance’s CEO story: not working on the biggest problem(s) because they can’t be solved, instead working on others that seem easier. But that is like ridding a home of cockroaches that is also overrun with poisonous snakes, has a man-eating lion in the basement, and toxic-to-humans gasses seeping from its walls. A guy weeding and manicuring his lawn while inside the house, his marriage is in collapse and his teenager is on drugs. You have to battle the biggest demons to win the war. Make a note.
Most carry their people problems with them for long periods of time. I have my rule: if I wake up three mornings in a row thinking about you and we’re not having sex, you gotta go. Applies to clients, associates, vendors, every entanglement. Because it is easier to get in than to get out, some escapes take longer than others. But it’s not Hogan’s Heroes for me. I really want out. And out I get. Usually, decisively and quickly. Same with bad situations, bad business projects. They get the Swift Sword. Even if there’s nothing wrong but my own dissatisfaction, I’ll get out.
I left a 7-figure income speaking tour because everything required but the speaking had grown distasteful. Way back, I moved from Ohio to Arizona without so much as visiting Arizona, after the blizzard of the century. Decide-Do-Doing-Done, as quickly as possible from Decide to Doing, and again as quickly as possible to Done.
In my book No B.S. Guide to Ruthless Management of People & Profits. I show the Do-Doing-Done board. The more Done’s, the more resolution; the more money, the more control and power, the more peace. People let the Doing drag on and on and on. They lack urgency. I hate the un-done. In my study of Dr. Kramer, I got that the person who minimizes elapsed time between thought and action gets the most marbles. While others are pondering, hand-wringing, consensus-building, you can be Done.
General Norman Schwarzkopf said better to be in motion headed in a wrong direction than squatting, going nowhere; easier to adjust and re-direct with motion than to get anywhere going nowhere.
From Dr. Maltz: success is zig-zag, not a straight line. Halbert: motion beats meditation. The cartoon with the vultures: “Enough waiting. Let’s go kill something.” Ringer: nothing happens until something moves. Icahn, who buys up stock in a company, then begins exerting influence. Suggesting moves, making demands. Trump, who over-pays for properties, then makes them more valuable. There’s a home improvement store chain with TV commercials yakking about “more doing.” Should be “more done.”
If you want a new year’s resolution, make it this. More Done.

Now, no matter the loose ends and left-overs, this calendar year is Done. So, Happy New Year. I appreciate the opportunity to have shared some thinking with you.

By Dan Kennedy

16 Ways to Make Your Small Business Boom

                      MAKING YOUR BUSINESS BOOM

1. Pass-Along Discount Cards
After each massage, Flavia should give her customers three preprinted “pass-along” cards for some sort of introductory treatment at a discount. The card should briefly list the services she offers, and then say something like “You are entitled to an X% discount on an introductory treatment, courtesy of [blank space to write in the customer’s name].”
When Flavia hands her customers the pass-along cards, it’s important for her to specifically ask them to give the cards to friends, relatives, or colleagues. The chances that the card will be passed along increase 1,000 percent when the request is verbal. And the best time for her to make that request is just after the massage, when the customer is feeling good.

2. Referral Rewards
It costs money to get new customers in every business, including personal services. So Flavia should reward people who consistently refer new customers by giving them free or highly discounted treatments. Keeping in mind that each new customer should be worth hundreds – even thousands – of dollars to her (if she runs her business correctly), she should be willing to reward people who bring in new business with, say, $50 worth of treatments from time to time.

3. Upgrades and Ancillary Sales
Every treatment should be seen as an opportunity to sell something extra. Flavia should sell massage oil, aromatherapy candles, incense, etc. And during the course of the massage, she should offer additional upgraded treatments (such as using hot stones) that may take little extra time but for which she can charge a reasonably good amount of money.
When your customer is relaxed and happy, you don’t have to push very hard to make an upgrade or ancillary sale. Flavia should shoot for upselling at least 50 percent of her customers.

4. Multiple Discounts
Right now, Flavia works on a job-by-job basis. She doesn’t offer discounts for multiple massages. Experience proves that you can double or triple the income you will get from a customer simply by asking him to buy future, discounted services at the beginning of the relationship.
Flavia should have three packages: three treatments, 10 treatments, and 25 treatments. The discounts shouldn’t be too steep, because that’s not necessary with satisfied customers, but they should be consistent. If a single massage costs, say, $40, a group of 10 should cost $350 and a group of 25 should cost $750. Flavia should collect this money up front and provide refunds only if the customer has some sort of emergency that prevents him from using the rest of the package.

5. Posters and Flyers
Flavia should be aggressive about putting up printed advertising wherever potential customers are likely to congregate. Prime targets would include the bars and restaurants at nearby resorts, as well as local shops and even outdoor markets. These ads should be simple and to the point – for instance, a good photo of Flavia smiling with a line or two on the services she offers. (Getting the photo right is the main thing.)
Flavia shouldn’t have to pay to post her advertising. She should rely on the friendly relationships she develops with employees and shop owners to get her foot in their door … and then offer free treatments as recompense.

6. Local Newspaper and Magazine Ads
Newspaper and magazine ads are expensive and generally not productive for small businesses … but when they work, they can be effective for a long time. Flavia should wait until her business is generating more cash than she needs and then use a small portion of it – maybe 5 or 10 percent – to gradually test local media.
When buying ad space, she should never pay full rate and she should not be talked into taking multiple ads (although ad salespeople will tell her that consecutive ads have a cumulative effect). She should run a small ad here, a small ad there, until she finds one that works. She should double-test it – and then, if it works a second time, commit to multiple placements (but only at a sharp discount).

7. Co-op Advertising and Recommendations
Flavia’s customers – relatively affluent vacationers – spend money on all sorts of things besides spa services. Flavia should figure out what those things are (by talking to her customers) and then make contact with the appropriate business owners and discuss ways of marketing on a cooperative basis. A very good way to do that is to agree to simply to talk about the other person’s services while servicing your own customer. (“Are you a surfer, Mr. Brown? Oh, my friend George repairs surfboards.”)

8. Phone Message Advertising
Every time a customer calls Flavia and gets her answering machine, that customer should be given a reason to call back and do more business with her. A phone message is a relatively small thing, but it’s also a very intimate way to communicate. Letting her customers know that she has a special on some new treatment – “this week only” – might very well bring in an extra hundred dollars.

9. Business Cards
Flavia should carry business cards with her wherever she goes. They should be cute and friendly, but convey her message. She should keep them with her at all times, and give them out at every available opportunity. The back of the card should offer a good reason to call her for an introductory session.

10. T-Shirts and Other Paraphernalia
Flavia should have T-shirts made up and distribute them to good customers and high-profile locals. Because she is photogenic, I’d advise her to put her face on the shirt, along with her name and something clever that will attract attention. This kind of publicity is not direct, and therefore Flavia shouldn’t spend much money on it. But if her shirts are worn on the beaches and near swimming pools, it can only help promote her name.

11. Personal Appearances
Flavia should give free demonstrations at the resorts and clubs her customers frequent. By offering to lecture on specific topics of interest, she will provide these places with something valuable that they can pass along to their customers for free. Every appearance should end with a polished, low-key pitch that sells Flavia’s products and services.

12. Articles
Flavia should write articles for local newspapers, magazines, and websites (including her own). She should write about what she knows and establish herself as an expert in the particular style of massage therapy that she practices. She should be forceful in advocating the benefits of her style. She studied and mastered it because she believed it was the best … therefore she should have no hesitation about telling the public why she feels that way.

13. Deals with First-Line Promoters
In Flavia’s industry, the first-line promoters are the booking agents that get people to come to Nicaragua in the first place. Flavia should find out who they are and make deals with them. She should ask them to offer her services up front as they are booking trips, and she should be prepared to pay a 50 percent commission to them on each treatment.
For the tour promoter, Flavia’s business is extra money that he doesn’t have to work hard to get. For the customer, it’s a thoughtful convenience. Flavia should make similar deals with all the local hotel operators and property managers. They have extra profits to gain and nothing to lose by passing along her information – or, better yet, providing a link on their e-mail correspondence to their customers.

14. Website
There are more than a dozen ways Flavia could promote her business through a personal website. Most of these have been touched upon in past issues of ETR, and we’ll explore many of them in detail at this year’s Information Marketing Bootcamp. Because of the nature of Flavia’s business, her website doesn’t need to be very elaborate. It could include as little as a nice photo of herself, some graphics that represent her “style” of treatment, her credentials (she happens to have great ones), and a list of services. She should not include prices on the website. And there is no need for elaborate graphics.
If Flavia pays more than $300 to have someone create her website, she will have paid too much.

15. Search Engine Optimization
Flavia needs to understand how SEO works so she can make sure that if someone searches for massage or spa services in Nicaragua, her name will come up.

16. An E-mail List of Customers
Flavia should get the e-mail address of every customer she works on, and send a little letter to her e-mail list once or twice a month. Her e-letter should be fun and informal. It should announce all the new products and services she is developing, and provide news and information about massage and other therapies to establish good will and showcase her expertise.
The customer e-mail list is, by far, the most valuable tool a small businessperson has. It can make the difference between a business that just gets by and one that is hugely successful. There is an art and science to growing and mining a customer list – all of which will be explained at this year’s

Information Marketing Bootcamp.

Flavia is ahead of most people when it comes to starting – and succeeding at – her own business, because she already has a financially valued skill. Master a financially valued skill, and you too can turn these 16 marketing strategies into huge profits.

By Mark Morgan Ford

FIVE WAYS TO BE IRRESISTIBLE TO MEN

Being irresistible to men isn’t about playing games, manipulation, or forcing yourself to be someone you’re not. It’s not about what you wear or achieving a certain beauty look.
Being the kind of girl who intrigues a man to the point of real interest, and interests a man to the point where he is eager to commit, starts from within and then radiates outward. It’s important to have an awareness of what it is men want and also an understanding of why developing these traits will not only help you in dating and relationships, but will make your life better overall.
Over the years, I’ve analyzed and interviewed countless men. Through my research, I’ve discovered five traits that men across the board find irresistible in a woman. Learning what they are will help you attract the right guy if you’re single, and will help you re-ignite the spark if you’re already in a relationship.
Here they are:
- See more at: http://www.anewmode.com/dating-relationships/5-ways-irresistible-men-2/#sthash.pAmTSOlH.dpuf

Being irresistible to men isn’t about playing games, manipulation, or forcing yourself to be someone you’re not. It’s not about what you wear or achieving a certain beauty look.

Being the kind of girl who intrigues a man to the point of real interest, and interests a man to the point where he is eager to commit, starts from within and then radiates outward. It’s important to have an awareness of what it is men want and also an understanding of why developing these traits will not only help you in dating and relationships, but will make your life better overall.

Over the years, I’ve analyzed and interviewed countless men. Through my research, I’ve discovered five traits that men across the board find irresistible in a woman. Learning what they are will help you attract the right guy if you’re single, and will help you re-ignite the spark if you’re already in a relationship.

Here they are
1. Be Confident
This one is the winner every time. Guys want a confident, happy woman. A woman who loves herself, knows her worth, and knows she can get what she wants in this world.

Healthy self-esteem is a prerequisite for healthy relationships. It gives you the confidence to choose who to be with and to believe someone worthwhile will want to be with you.

If you have low self-esteem, make it a priority to work on this. Learn to find more joy and meaning in your life. Until you get there, act like someone with high self-esteem. This means not being jealous of other people, not needing guys to validate you, not putting yourself down and complaining about your life.

Try to maintain a vision of who you want to be, and what confidence looks like, and try to act accordingly.

2. Be a Mystery
The only way to turn attraction into passion is to insert your way into a man’s thoughts. This doesn’t mean wearing something revealing so he’s picturing you naked while talking to you. It means making a strong impression, one that leaves him unable to stop thinking about you for days.

The best way to do this is to be a little mysterious. Be vague with the stories you tell him, this will cause him to ask more questions about you which will build intrigue. And don’t feel the need to tell him everything about yourself, just drop some clues and let him figure it out. The human mind loves to fill in missing gaps. A good way to monitor yourself is to only reveal as much as he reveals to you.

Being a mystery does not mean acting cold or bitchy. It means you only show him certain sides of yourself to start. The best way to start things off is to show him you’re a happy, confident, fun girl. These are qualities every guys wants in a woman so he will immediately be drawn to you.

Also, don’t be too obvious with your level of interest. Give him just enough so he knows he has a chance, but not so much that he considers it a sure thing.

Studies have shown that we are most attracted to people when we don’t know exactly how they feel about us. If he knows exactly where you stand he’ll get bored and move on. If he knows he doesn’t have a chance, he won’t want to bother. If he thinks he might have a chance,  you’ll have his full attention.

3. Be Easy to be Around- No Drama
Men like their lives to be easy and pleasant, no muss no fuss. The biggest turn off to a guy is a drama queen who makes mountains out of every molehill.

The way guys  see it, they have enough stress in their lives as is and a relationship should be an escape from that.

If you’re cool and easy to be around, men will want to be around you!

Smile, relax, don’t over think or overanalyze. If you can take a more easygoing approach to relationships (and life in general), then suddenly, and without much effort, things will start to work out how you want them to.

4. Embrace Your Femininity
Most men want to feel like the man. The best way to encourage this is to embrace your femininity. Tap into your soft, gentle, graceful side, we all have it in is somewhere.

I know today’s society encourages women to be bold, tough, and aggressive. I’m not saying you shouldn’t be a strong woman, I’m just saying to temper this out a bit by not neglecting your femininity.

Men want to be the providers, they want to feel like the man. If you dress like a girl, act like a girl, and let him take care of you a bit, you’ll tap into a deep fundamental need of his and he won’t want to let you go.

5. Have Your Own Life
A man’s greatest fear is losing his freedom and being trapped in a relationship. Men pick up on how much you need them and instantly feel pressured and back off.

If you have your own life (and maintain the life you had before the relationship once you’re in it), he won’t feel this pressure and will give more of himself to you.

No matter what stage of a relationship you’re in, it’s essential to remain passionate about your life and to never stop setting goals for yourself and pursuing your dreams. A relationship isn’t an final destination. It’s part of the journey that can help you reach your potential and get exactly what it is you want out of life.

Sabrina Alexis

By Sabrina Alexis.

1. Be Confident
This one is the winner every time. Guys want a confident, happy woman. A woman who loves herself, knows her worth, and knows she can get what she wants in this world.
Healthy self-esteem is a prerequisite for healthy relationships. It gives you the confidence to choose who to be with and to believe someone worthwhile will want to be with you.
If you have low self-esteem, make it a priority to work on this. Learn to find more joy and meaning in your life. Until you get there, act like someone with high self-esteem. This means not being jealous of other people, not needing guys to validate you, not putting yourself down and complaining about your life.
Try to maintain a vision of who you want to be, and what confidence looks like, and try to act accordingly.
- See more at: http://www.anewmode.com/dating-relationships/5-ways-irresistible-men-2/#sthash.pAmTSOlH.dpuf

Being irresistible to men isn’t about playing games, manipulation, or forcing yourself to be someone you’re not. It’s not about what you wear or achieving a certain beauty look.
Being the kind of girl who intrigues a man to the point of real interest, and interests a man to the point where he is eager to commit, starts from within and then radiates outward. It’s important to have an awareness of what it is men want and also an understanding of why developing these traits will not only help you in dating and relationships, but will make your life better overall.
- See more at: http://www.anewmode.com/dating-relationships/5-ways-irresistible-men-2/#sthash.ut5zFN6b.dpuf

Being irresistible to men isn’t about playing games, manipulation, or forcing yourself to be someone you’re not. It’s not about what you wear or achieving a certain beauty look.
Being the kind of girl who intrigues a man to the point of real interest, and interests a man to the point where he is eager to commit, starts from within and then radiates outward. It’s important to have an awareness of what it is men want and also an understanding of why developing these traits will not only help you in dating and relationships, but will make your life better overall.
- See more at: http://www.anewmode.com/dating-relationships/5-ways-irresistible-men-2/#sthash.ut5zFN6b.dpufBeing irresistible to men isn’t about playing games, manipulation, or forcing yourself to be someone you’re not. It’s not about what you wear or achieving a certain beauty look.

Being the kind of girl who intrigues a man to the point of real interest, and interests a man to the point where he is eager to commit, starts from within and then radiates outward. It’s important to have an awareness of what it is men want and also an understanding of why developing these traits will not only help you in dating and relationships, but will make your life better overall.
- See more at: http://www.anewmode.com/dating-relationships/5-ways-irresistible-men-2/#sthash.ut5zFN6b.dpufBeing irresistible to men isn’t about playing games, manipulation, or forcing yourself to be someone you’re not. It’s not about what you wear or achieving a certain beauty look.

Being the kind of girl who intrigues a man to the point of real interest, and interests a man to the point where he is eager to commit, starts from within and then radiates outward. It’s important to have an awareness of what it is men want and also an understanding of why developing these traits will not only help you in dating and relationships, but will make your life better overall.
- See more at: http://www.anewmode.com/dating-relationships/5-ways-irresistible-men-2/#sthash.ut5zFN6b.dpuf

d to believe so

Being irresistible to men isn’t about playing games, manipulation, or forcing yourself to be someone you’re not. It’s not about what you wear or achieving a certain beauty look.
Being the kind of girl who intrigues a man to the point of real interest, and interests a man to the point where he is eager to commit, starts from within and then radiates outward. It’s important to have an awareness of what it is men want and also an understanding of why developing these traits will not only help you in dating and relationships, but will make your life better overall.
Over the years, I’ve analyzed and interviewed countless men. Through my research, I’ve discovered five traits that men across the board find irresistible in a woman. Learning what they are will help you attract the right guy if you’re single, and will help you re-ignite the spark if you’re already in a relationship.
Here they are:

1. Be Confident
This one is the winner every time. Guys want a confident, happy woman. A woman who loves herself, knows her worth, and knows she can get what she wants in this world.
Healthy self-esteem is a prerequisite for healthy relationships. It gives you the confidence to choose who to be with and to believe someone worthwhile will want to be with you.
If you have low self-esteem, make it a priority to work on this. Learn to find more joy and meaning in your life. Until you get there, act like someone with high self-esteem. This means not being jealous of other people, not needing guys to validate you, not putting yourself down and complaining about your life.
Try to maintain a vision of who you want to be, and what confidence looks like, and try to act accordingly.
- See more at: http://www.anewmode.com/dating-relationships/5-ways-irresistible-men-2/#sthash.ut5zFN6b.dpuf

Being irresistible to men isn’t about playing games, manipulation, or forcing yourself to be someone you’re not. It’s not about what you wear or achieving a certain beauty look.
Being the kind of girl who intrigues a man to the point of real interest, and interests a man to the point where he is eager to commit, starts from within and then radiates outward. It’s important to have an awareness of what it is men want and also an understanding of why developing these traits will not only help you in dating and relationships, but will make your life better overall.
Over the years, I’ve analyzed and interviewed countless men. Through my research, I’ve discovered five traits that men across the board find irresistible in a woman. Learning what they are will help you attract the right guy if you’re single, and will help you re-ignite the spark if you’re already in a relationship.
Here they are:

1. Be Confident
This one is the winner every time. Guys want a confident, happy woman. A woman who loves herself, knows her worth, and knows she can get what she wants in this world.
Healthy self-esteem is a prerequisite for healthy relationships. It gives you the confidence to choose who to be with and to believe someone worthwhile will want to be with you.
If you have low self-esteem, make it a priority to work on this. Learn to find more joy and meaning in your life. Until you get there, act like someone with high self-esteem. This means not being jealous of other people, not needing guys to validate you, not putting yourself down and complaining about your life.
Try to maintain a vision of who you want to be, and what confidence looks like, and try to act accordingly.
MORE: 11 Ways to Find True Happiness
2. Be a Mystery
The only way to turn attraction into passion is to insert your way into a man’s thoughts. This doesn’t mean wearing something revealing so he’s picturing you naked while talking to you. It means making a strong impression, one that leaves him unable to stop thinking about you for days.
The best way to do this is to be a little mysterious. Be vague with the stories you tell him, this will cause him to ask more questions about you which will build intrigue. And don’t feel the need to tell him everything about yourself, just drop some clues and let him figure it out. The human mind loves to fill in missing gaps. A good way to monitor yourself is to only reveal as much as he reveals to you.
Being a mystery does not mean acting cold or bitchy. It means you only show him certain sides of yourself to start. The best way to start things off is to show him you’re a happy, confident, fun girl. These are qualities every guys wants in a woman so he will immediately be drawn to you.
Also, don’t be too obvious with your level of interest. Give him just enough so he knows he has a chance, but not so much that he considers it a sure thing.
Studies have shown that we are most attracted to people when we don’t know exactly how they feel about us. If he knows exactly where you stand he’ll get bored and move on. If he knows he doesn’t have a chance, he won’t want to bother. If he thinks he might have a chance,  you’ll have his full attention.
3. Be Easy to be Around- No Drama
Men like their lives to be easy and pleasant, no muss no fuss. The biggest turn off to a guy is a drama queen who makes mountains out of every molehill.
The way guys  see it, they have enough stress in their lives as is and a relationship should be an escape from that.
If you’re cool and easy to be around, men will want to be around you!
Smile, relax, don’t over think or overanalyze. If you can take a more easygoing approach to relationships (and life in general), then suddenly, and without much effort, things will start to work out how you want them to.
4. Embrace Your Femininity
Most men want to feel like the man. The best way to encourage this is to embrace your femininity. Tap into your soft, gentle, graceful side, we all have it in is somewhere.
I know today’s society encourages women to be bold, tough, and aggressive. I’m not saying you shouldn’t be a strong woman, I’m just saying to temper this out a bit by not neglecting your femininity.
Men want to be the providers, they want to feel like the man. If you dress like a girl, act like a girl, and let him take care of you a bit, you’ll tap into a deep fundamental need of his and he won’t want to let you go.
MORE: 5 Things Every Girls Needs to Know About Men
5. Have Your Own Life
A man’s greatest fear is losing his freedom and being trapped in a relationship. Men pick up on how much you need them and instantly feel pressured and back off.
If you have your own life (and maintain the life you had before the relationship once you’re in it), he won’t feel this pressure and will give more of himself to you.
No matter what stage of a relationship you’re in, it’s essential to remain passionate about your life and to never stop setting goals for yourself and pursuing your dreams. A relationship isn’t an final destination. It’s part of the journey that can help you reach your potential and get exactly what it is you want out of life.
- See more at: http://www.anewmode.com/dating-relationships/5-ways-irresistible-men-2/#sthash.ut5zFN6b.dpuf

Being the kind of girl who intrigues a man to the point of real interest, and interests a man to the point where he is eager to commit, starts from within and then radiates outward. It’s important to have an awareness of what it is men want and also an understanding of why developing these traits will not only help you in dating and relationships, but will make your life better overall.
Over the years, I’ve analyzed and interviewed countless men. Through my research, I’ve discovered five traits that men across the board find irresistible in a woman. Learning what they are will help you attract the right guy if you’re single, and will help you re-ignite the spark if you’re already in a relationship.
Here they are:

1. Be Confident
This one is the winner every time. Guys want a confident, happy woman. A woman who loves herself, knows her worth, and knows she can get what she wants in this world.
Healthy self-esteem is a prerequisite for healthy relationships. It gives you the confidence to choose who to be with and to believe someone worthwhile will want to be with you.
If you have low self-esteem, make it a priority to work on this. Learn to find more joy and meaning in your life. Until you get there, act like someone with high self-esteem. This means not being jealous of other people, not needing guys to validate you, not putting yourself down and complaining about your life.
Try to maintain a vision of who you want to be, and what confidence looks like, and try to act accordingly.
MORE: 11 Ways to Find True Happiness
2. Be a Mystery
The only way to turn attraction into passion is to insert your way into a man’s thoughts. This doesn’t mean wearing something revealing so he’s picturing you naked while talking to you. It means making a strong impression, one that leaves him unable to stop thinking about you for days.
The best way to do this is to be a little mysterious. Be vague with the stories you tell him, this will cause him to ask more questions about you which will build intrigue. And don’t feel the need to tell him everything about yourself, just drop some clues and let him figure it out. The human mind loves to fill in missing gaps. A good way to monitor yourself is to only reveal as much as he reveals to you.
Being a mystery does not mean acting cold or bitchy. It means you only show him certain sides of yourself to start. The best way to start things off is to show him you’re a happy, confident, fun girl. These are qualities every guys wants in a woman so he will immediately be drawn to you.
Also, don’t be too obvious with your level of interest. Give him just enough so he knows he has a chance, but not so much that he considers it a sure thing.
Studies have shown that we are most attracted to people when we don’t know exactly how they feel about us. If he knows exactly where you stand he’ll get bored and move on. If he knows he doesn’t have a chance, he won’t want to bother. If he thinks he might have a chance,  you’ll have his full attention.
3. Be Easy to be Around- No Drama
Men like their lives to be easy and pleasant, no muss no fuss. The biggest turn off to a guy is a drama queen who makes mountains out of every molehill.
The way guys  see it, they have enough stress in their lives as is and a relationship should be an escape from that.
If you’re cool and easy to be around, men will want to be around you!
Smile, relax, don’t over think or overanalyze. If you can take a more easygoing approach to relationships (and life in general), then suddenly, and without much effort, things will start to work out how you want them to.
4. Embrace Your Femininity
Most men want to feel like the man. The best way to encourage this is to embrace your femininity. Tap into your soft, gentle, graceful side, we all have it in is somewhere.
I know today’s society encourages women to be bold, tough, and aggressive. I’m not saying you shouldn’t be a strong woman, I’m just saying to temper this out a bit by not neglecting your femininity.
Men want to be the providers, they want to feel like the man. If you dress like a girl, act like a girl, and let him take care of you a bit, you’ll tap into a deep fundamental need of his and he won’t want to let you go.
MORE: 5 Things Every Girls Needs to Know About Men
5. Have Your Own Life
A man’s greatest fear is losing his freedom and being trapped in a relationship. Men pick up on how much you need them and instantly feel pressured and back off.
If you have your own life (and maintain the life you had before the relationship once you’re in it), he won’t feel this pressure and will give more of himself to you.
No matter what stage of a relationship you’re in, it’s essential to remain passionate about your life and to never sGCGHCHGDCHGGHCGCHGtting goals for yourself and pursuing your dreams. A relationship isn’t an final destination. It’s part of the journey that can help you reach your potential and get exactly what it is you want out of life.
- See more at: http://www.anewmode.com/dating-relationships/5-ways-irresistible-men-2/#sthash.ut5zFN6b.dpuf

Being irresistible to men isn’t about playing games, manipulation, or forcing yourself to be someone you’re not. It’s not about what you wear or achieving a certain beauty look.
Being the kind of girl who intrigues a man to the point of real interest, and interests a man to the point where he is eager to commit, starts from within and then radiates outward. It’s important to have an awareness of what it is men want and also an understanding of why developing these traits will not only help you in dating and relationships, but will make your life better overall.
Over the years, I’ve analyzed and interviewed countless men. Through my research, I’ve discovered five traits that men across the board find irresistible in a woman. Learning what they are will help you attract the right guy if you’re single, and will help you re-ignite the spark if you’re already in a relationship.
Here they are:

1. Be Confident
This one is the winner every time. Guys want a confident, happy woman. A woman who loves herself, knows her worth, and knows she can get what she wants in this world.
Healthy self-esteem is a prerequisite for healthy relationships. It gives you the confidence to choose who to be with and to believe someone worthwhile will want to be with you.
If you have low self-esteem, make it a priority to work on this. Learn to find more joy and meaning in your life. Until you get there, act like someone with high self-esteem. This means not being jealous of other people, not needing guys to validate you, not putting yourself down and complaining about your life.
Try to maintain a vision of who you want to be, and what confidence looks like, and try to act accordingly.
MORE: 11 Ways to Find True Happiness
2. Be a Mystery
The only way to turn attraction into passion is to insert your way into a man’s thoughts. This doesn’t mean wearing something revealing so he’s picturing you naked while talking to you. It means making a strong impression, one that leaves him unable to stop thinking about you for days.
The best way to do this is to be a little mysterious. Be vague with the stories you tell him, this will cause him to ask more questions about you which will build intrigue. And don’t feel the need to tell him everything about yourself, just drop some clues and let him figure it out. The human mind loves to fill in missing gaps. A good way to monitor yourself is to only reveal as much as he reveals to you.
Being a mystery does not mean acting cold or bitchy. It means you only show him certain sides of yourself to start. The best way to start things off is to show him you’re a happy, confident, fun girl. These are qualities every guys wants in a woman so he will immediately be drawn to you.
Also, don’t be too obvious with your level of interest. Give him just enough so he knows he has a chance, but not so much that he considers it a sure thing.
Studies have shown that we are most attracted to people when we don’t know exactly how they feel about us. If he knows exactly where you stand he’ll get bored and move on. If he knows he doesn’t have a chance, he won’t want to bother. If he thinks he might have a chance,  you’ll have his full attention.
3. Be Easy to be Around- No Drama
Men like their lives to be easy and pleasant, no muss no fuss. The biggest turn off to a guy is a drama queen who makes mountains out of every molehill.
The way guys  see it, they have enough stress in their lives as is and a relationship should be an escape from that.
If you’re cool and easy to be around, men will want to be around you!
Smile, relax, don’t over think or overanalyze. If you can take a more easygoing approach to relationships (and life in general), then suddenly, and without much effort, things will start to work out how you want them to.
4. Embrace Your Femininity
Most men want to feel like the man. The best way to encourage this is to embrace your femininity. Tap into your soft, gentle, graceful side, we all have it in is somewhere.
I know today’s society encourages women to be bold, tough, and aggressive. I’m not saying you shouldn’t be a strong woman, I’m just saying to temper this out a bit by not neglecting your femininity.
Men want to be the providers, they want to feel like the man. If you dress like a girl, act like a girl, and let him take care of you a bit, you’ll tap into a deep fundamental need of his and he won’t want to let you go.
MORE: 5 Things Every Girls Needs to Know About Men
5. Have Your Own Life
A man’s greatest fear is losing his freedom and being trapped in a relationship. Men pick up on how much you need them and instantly feel pressured and back off.
If you have your own life (and maintain the life you had before the relationship once you’re in it), he won’t feel this pressure and will give more of himself to you.
No matter what stage of a relationship you’re in, it’s essential to remain passionate about your life and to never stop setting goals for yourself and pursuing your dreams. A relationship isn’t an final destination. It’s part of the journey that can help you reach your potential and get exactly what it is you want out of life.
- See more at: http://www.anewmode.com/dating-relationships/5-ways-irresistible-men-2/#sthash.ut5zFN6b.dpuf

Being irresistible to men isn’t about playing games, manipulation, or forcing yourself to be someone you’re not. It’s not about what you wear or achieving a certain beauty look.
Being the kind of girl who intrigues a man to the point of real interest, and interests a man to the point where he is eager to commit, starts from within and then radiates outward. It’s important to have an awareness of what it is men want and also an understanding of why developing these traits will not only help you in dating and relationships, but will make your life better overall.
Over the years, I’ve analyzed and interviewed countless men. Through my research, I’ve discovered five traits that men across the board find irresistible in a woman. Learning what they are will help you attract the right guy if you’re single, and will help you re-ignite the spark if you’re already in a relationship.
Here they are:

1. Be Confident
This one is the winner every time. Guys want a confident, happy woman. A woman who loves herself, knows her worth, and knows she can get what she wants in this world.
Healthy self-esteem is a prerequisite for healthy relationships. It gives you the confidence to choose who to be with and to believe someone worthwhile will want to be with you.
If you have low self-esteem, make it a priority to work on this. Learn to find more joy and meaning in your life. Until you get there, act like someone with high self-esteem. This means not being jealous of other people, not needing guys to validate you, not putting yourself down and complaining about your life.
Try to maintain a vision of who you want to be, and what confidence looks like, and try to act accordingly.
MORE: 11 Ways to Find True Happiness
2. Be a Mystery
The only way to turn attraction into passion is to insert your way into a man’s thoughts. This doesn’t mean wearing something revealing so he’s picturing you naked while talking to you. It means making a strong impression, one that leaves him unable to stop thinking about you for days.
The best way to do this is to be a little mysterious. Be vague with the stories you tell him, this will cause him to ask more questions about you which will build intrigue. And don’t feel the need to tell him everything about yourself, just drop some clues and let him figure it out. The human mind loves to fill in missing gaps. A good way to monitor yourself is to only reveal as much as he reveals to you.
Being a mystery does not mean acting cold or bitchy. It means you only show him certain sides of yourself to start. The best way to start things off is to show him you’re a happy, confident, fun girl. These are qualities every guys wants in a woman so he will immediately be drawn to you.
Also, don’t be too obvious with your level of interest. Give him just enough so he knows he has a chance, but not so much that he considers it a sure thing.
Studies have shown that we are most attracted to people when we don’t know exactly how they feel about us. If he knows exactly where you stand he’ll get bored and move on. If he knows he doesn’t have a chance, he won’t want to bother. If he thinks he might have a chance,  you’ll have his full attention.
3. Be Easy to be Around- No Drama
Men like their lives to be easy and pleasant, no muss no fuss. The biggest turn off to a guy is a drama queen who makes mountains out of every molehill.
The way guys  see it, they have enough stress in their lives as is and a relationship should be an escape from that.
If you’re cool and easy to be around, men will want to be around you!
Smile, relax, don’t over think or overanalyze. If you can take a more easygoing approach to relationships (and life in general), then suddenly, and without much effort, things will start to work out how you want them to.
4. Embrace Your Femininity
Most men want to feel like the man. The best way to encourage this is to embrace your femininity. Tap into your soft, gentle, graceful side, we all have it in is somewhere.
I know today’s society encourages women to be bold, tough, and aggressive. I’m not saying you shouldn’t be a strong woman, I’m just saying to temper this out a bit by not neglecting your femininity.
Men want to be the providers, they want to feel like the man. If you dress like a girl, act like a girl, and let him take care of you a bit, you’ll tap into a deep fundamental need of his and he won’t want to let you go.
MORE: 5 Things Every Girls Needs to Know About Men
5. Have Your Own Life
A man’s greatest fear is losing his freedom and being trapped in a relationship. Men pick up on how much you need them and instantly feel pressured and back off.
If you have your own life (and maintain the life you had before the relationship once you’re in it), he won’t feel this pressure and will give more of himself to you.
No matter what stage of a relationship you’re in, it’s essential to remain passionate about your life and to never stop setting goals for yourself and pursuing your dreams. A relationship isn’t an final destination. It’s part of the journey that can help you reach your potential and get exactly what it is you want out of life.
- See more at: http://www.anewmode.com/dating-relationships/5-ways-irresistible-men-2/#sthash.ut5zFN6b.dpuf

Ten Tips To Get Your Man To Commit

You’ve been seeing a man who loves you, whether he uses the word or not. He loves sex with you, but more than that, he loves being with you. Even so, he hasn’t committed himself to you fully. Perhaps he’s still vague about weekend plans, or he hasn’t introduced you to his friends. Maybe he hasn’t asked you to marry him, though you’ve been seeing each other steadily or living together for a long time.
If so, he is like millions of men who cheat themselves and the woman they care about out of a life that would make you both very happy. He is obviously afraid – possibly even phobic — about commitment. Is there anything you can do to help him take the step that will bring ultimate happiness to both of you? The answer is “yes,” and the solutions are simple, easy adjustments that will cost you nothing and will end up bringing the fulfilment and commitment you’ve dreamed of.


Here are 10 tips for getting your man to commit:
1. Make it easy for him to confide in you by listening without giving him advice or criticizing him.
He needs to know that it’s safe to tell you more. And the more he tells you, the more committed he will become. For instance, suppose he tells you that he feels bad about not being a college graduate. Just listen and make clear that you love him as much as if he had a Ph.D from Harvard. If he tells you that he’s worried about losing his job, just listen and make clear that you will love him just as much if he does. The time for advice may come later, when he asks for it — if he ever does. But right now, advice is not what he needs. He needs you.

2. Make your man feel special by showing him that you love him for himself alone.
Early in the relationship, avoid asking him resume questions. Look out for questions like, “How much do you make?” “Did you go to college?” “Where?” “Were you ever married” “For how long?” “What do your parents do for a living?” These questions suggest that you are sizing him up and deciding if he is a good risk as a potential husband. Remember, even if he turns out to be a billionaire, he needs to know that you liked him before you knew that fact.
Ask instead what he feels about things, what he likes and dislikes. If he says he just got a big bonus, don’t ask him how much it was. Talk about how exciting it must be. “Did you know it was coming?” “Did all your friends congratulate you?” Enjoy his experience with him. He’ll tell you everything after a while unless he is very secretive, which would be a bad sign. You know that you don’t like to be quizzed. He likes it even less. Let him know that you care about him, not about what he represents or the category he is in, and he will feel special. Keep it personal, as opposed to factual.

3. Try to be natural. Be yourself and don’t conceal your tastes or the things you like.
If your new man says that likes rap music and rattles off some names of people you’ve never heard of, don’t pretend that you know them and like them. You’re allowed to say that you don’t know anything about that kind of music.
If you have always loved opera, say so. If you feel like crying at a movie, cry. If you feel like laughing, laugh. Being natural will encourage him to be the same. He is special and you are special, but in different ways. Never put yourself under pressure by starting out with a lie. The message is that you are a special individual and he is one, too.

4. Give your man the sense that he can keep his freedom – at least to a reasonable degree.
While you, as a woman, think of a new relationship as changing your life, your man thinks only of preservation. You may look forward to buying a new house, having kids, changing jobs, taking joint vacations. Meanwhile, he is determined to keep his old routines and change as little as he can. To him, sameness means security. If you try to change his life too fast, he will feel that his masculinity will be the next thing to go. He will already feel threatened. Make small gestures to show him that you aren’t taking over his life and taking everything away from him. For instance, be sure that he still has time to see his men friends alone. When guys get together without women present, it’s common for one to ask, “How did you get out tonight?” The guys feel sorry for the buddy who can never join them.
If your man shows up, at least some of the time, it looks like his woman – you – are an effortless partner. Good commitment material. Men reassure themselves of their masculinity not just by being with a woman who loves them, but by being with the guys. It’s symbolic. Give him the reassurance that he’s still a guy and can still travel light, up to a point, by being easy about time he spends away from you.

5. Don’t let him do too much for you or spend too much, (even if he volunteers).
If the balance goes too far this way, he will wake up some morning and ask himself, “What am I getting into?” He will want to swing the pendulum the other way, which will be bad news for you. Early in the relationship, he may reaffirm his sense of maleness by fixing everything in your house, and you may feel taken care of. But don’t let him go too far. If you can easily pay for something to get done, or if someone else can do part of the job, don’t overburden your man. Don’t give him the sense that he has to do too much, that you are too costly. The same with money. I’ve often seen men overspend on women they care for and then feel, “I can’t afford this!” and run away.
His Masculine Pretense makes it hard for him to admit that he’s overextended. Maybe he can’t afford the restaurants that he thinks you deserve — at least not as often as he wants to take you out. It’s easier for him to leave you and find a new woman than to disappoint you. Make it simple for him to commit to you by letting him know that his spending big bucks is purely optional. Pick up the check yourself, sometimes, if you can. Or, every so often, suggest making dinner for him at home, or going out for pizza and a movie instead of something fancy.
Even rich guys feel this way. Offering to go halfway is sometimes a symbolic act on your part that will mean more than you can imagine to him. A well-to-do guy told me recently that he was very troubled because the woman he was seeing regularly never once picked up a lunch check even though he’d taken her on vacations and to many elegant restaurants. He took her default as indicating that she didn’t appreciate what he was giving. I told him to discuss it with her. It turned out to be one of those all-night talks that saved a relationship.
6. Don’t make your man jealous as a device to build his interest in you.
The old wisdom said that playing hard to get might clinch the commitment deal. But I’m telling you that the opposite is true. Because of their Masculine Pretense, men are crazy on the subject of loyalty. Most men, no matter what they say, are very insecure about their sexual desirability and about their appeal. Your man will be most likely to commit if he feels that you are completely loyal because you find him the most attractive man in the world. Don’t flirt in front of him. Don’t discuss past lovers even if he wants you to. Your anecdotes may turn him on for a while, but soon, he’ll start doubting you.
If you loved another man once and left him, maybe you’ll leave him, too. And even worse, maybe you’ll talk about him to some new lover. Most of, don’t torture your man by playing hard to get and implying that he has to work for your love. He can hardly feel sexually desirable if he has to chase you and make big promises before you’ll accept him as a lover. Once you two are really together, no surprises. If an old boyfriend calls, or you have lunch with a male friend, don’t hesitate to tell him. You have the right to do what you want. Some guys carry their loyalty fears too far. Things will be a lot less likely to get out of hand, jealousy-wise, if you are upfront about your opposite sex friends right from the start.

7. Insist on sexual fidelity once you feel you need it.
Some women fear that their guy will get nervous if they demand monogamy. Once again, the opposite is true. Your man wants you to want only him. He will be secretly flattered and will start to feel very secure if you demand this arrangement. Your telling him that his sexual faithfulness is essential to you is, in effect, giving him the reassurance that you intend to be faithful to him. Even if your man protests or acts as if the request is silly, he will breathe a big sigh of relief and take one big step towards commitment.

8. Help your man to accept the fact that he needs you and loves you.
Because of his Masculine Pretense, your man is afraid to admit to anyone – even himself, how much he needs you. But this isn’t his fault. He hasn’t had any practice at expressing his emotions freely. You can make him feel free to do so. And once again, the key is to ask for something. After a time, insist that your man tell you in so many words that he loves you. Even if you are living together, he may try to avoid those three little words. “Isn’t it obvious?” he may say. “Why else would I be with you?” Or he may substitute something, like a compliment. “I think you’re the most beautiful woman I ever knew.” This is not good enough. Tell him, “I need you to say that you love me even if it’s obvious. And if it’s obvious, why not say it?”
Only after saying that he loves you, in those words, and after saying it repeatedly, will your man truly accept that he loves you. Only then will it become a fact of life. We never truly accept things that we refuse to say — or are afraid to say. If your man repeatedly refuses to say that he loves you, if he never volunteers it, he isn't ready to commit to you and he certainly won’t marry you. Once he starts telling you repeatedly that he loves you, however, he will come to accept his love of you as part of life. Soon, he won’t be able to imagine life without loving you.

9. After a few months, insist that your man introduce you to his family and friends and to anyone important in his life.
His doing this is a very basic kind of commitment for him, an important step on the road to a lifetime commitment. The man who won’t bring you into his life won’t marry you. A man must see you interacting with the people important to him to think of you as a wife. His making you part of his social life (just like his saying, “I love you,”) is an important rung on the ladder that he must climb toward commitment.

10. Guard against giving your man more than you really want to over a long period of time.
If you like certain sex acts, make sure you communicate what they are and make sure that you get your share. If you feel angry at the fact that he invites his buddies over at the last minute and doesn’t pitch in with the preparations, don’t make a habit of compliance. If you’re not getting enough of what you want and find yourself feeling angry or depressed, it’s not fair to you. Also, you will definitely communicate this and your man will move away from commitment. Why should he sign up for life with a woman who’s unhappy or unfulfilled? In taking care of yourself, you are taking care of the relationship.
These ten suggestions come from my book, Why Men Won’t Commit: Getting What You Both Want Without Playing Games, and in the book, I give many more suggestions and insights. If you are with the right guy, you can get commitment doing far less than you are doing now. A little bit of careful preparation will show you how. No great relationship comes easy, but there’s no reason why you shouldn’t have one. Good luck.

Copyright © 2003 George Weinberg Ph.D

FASHION TRENDS ADVANTAGES AND DISADVANTAGES

SIDE CHANGES – fashion trends, advantages and disadvantages
By Marie Hansson
This article discusses fashion trends in side changes during the development of agility as a sport, as well as the advantages and disadvantages of different alternatives.
It all begins with obstacles When one begins doing agility, the focus is on getting to know the obstacles. Anything concerned with steering the dog between obstacles comes later. When Agility started in Sweden, in the mid 80’s, we did the same things everyone else did. Once we got the dog to understand how to negotiate the contact obstacles (the dog walk and see-saw were only 20 cm wide at that time), how to correctly pass every second pole in the weaves, how to go through tunnels and tires, to patiently wait on the table and simultaneously have enough drive to jump long and high over jumps; then it was time for the next goal. To get the dog moving forward and going on as fast as possible.
Chance or strategy in handling choices Reasons for handling choices were ruled by a consciousness of time limitations in competition; it was most likely that fact that determined whether you took the inner or outer path of a long tunnel. You were in a hurry and you wanted to run the fastest way with your dog. Today considerations and strategies are so much more advanced; it is all about lines, about thinking ahead, about being totally decisive, about consequences and much more.
Of course, if you couldn’t get your dog motivated enough to confidently attack the obstacles, it could get rather messy when you wanted to change from the dog’s right to left side, or visa versa. The same is still true today. If the dog is “locked” into one side of the handler, side changes are difficult. Then many handlers came over from the obedience ring and tried their hand at agility. Those who trained obedience before starting agility wanted their dogs on their left side only; they had no choice and therefore no problems with side changes.
Rear crosses came first It was the handlers who wanted to take the shortest route that were forced to do a side change and got refusals as a result when their dogs could not understand what their handlers were doing. In the early 90’s the rear cross was most common, and more or less successful depending on how successfully you had weaned the dog of sticking to the handler so that it could go on to the obstacles it was sent to.
In the mid 90’s a successful Danish handler taught the Swedes that these

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rear crosses could be used as an aid in getting the dog to turn. Suddenly crossing behind the dog was synonymous with assisting the dog in turns. If you stood with the dog on your left in front of a jump, and you moved from right to left as the dog jumped, ending up with the dog on your right side, you had used the side change as a way to make the dog understand it should turn to the left and at the same time you had changed from left to right handling. Rather important when you have some temptation straight ahead. Even today it is a key argument of many in favour of using rear crosses as a handling tool in certain situations.
Front crosses become popular Time passed and in the late 90’s front crosses started to appear as a preferred planned side change. Of course there were those who already, albeit unconsciously, moved in front of the dog, turned in to face it and then turned away in the direction of the course again. They may have done a front cross without being aware of the fact. This time a successful Finnish handler taught the Swedes this side change and helped them to give it a name. The biggest joke is that the claims of the origin of this side change depend on who you ask. Many Swedes think it is a Finnish technique, yet there are, to this day, Danish handlers who call this side change “the Swedish cross”, because some of us Swedes were their roll model in turn!
At first the followers of the rear or front cross were determined according to the type of dog they owned. Those with fast dogs that freely ran ahead, kept to the rear cross and those with the slower dogs, that could be outrun, used the front cross. But after some time the front cross became very popular and was utilised by all types of handlers with all types of dogs. Those with fast dogs were evidently forced to run faster and hopefully save time by having the dog do a few obstacles independently before the point where the cross was to take place.
Blind cross The third side change didn’t make a serious appearance until the 2000’s. The name derives from the act of crossing the dog's path in front of it, without turning to face the dog, which means that for a short time you are "blind" to what the dog is doing. If you execute this move skilfully, you as the handler can continue on your path without losing any time in slowing down and making contact with the dog. But by the same token it is a very difficult and delicate operation that poses the huge risk of the dog taking the wrong direction and being eliminated. As a result, this side change has gained the least popularity. Many trainers even warn against using it. But the development of the agility sport is shrinking the margins between serious competitors and many are being forced to take risks in order to have a shot at winning. This has me convinced that in the future there will be more handlers who dare to take a stand and train towards a level of understanding with the dog that will enable them to execute a blind cross with some degree of security. I know successful handlers in other parts of the world who do it naturally.

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The WC is our mirror The FCI Agility World Championships is a wonderful opportunity to study trends. You could conclude that different countries obviously share many ideas, but also differ in many, and at the same time notice trends that seem to influence the whole agility world.
During the early 2000’s, French and Finnish handlers were the forerunners who impressed by displaying enormous energy, eagerness and enthusiasm in violently and fearlessly throwing themselves in front of their dogs to front cross at almost every turn. Many of us were amazed at the one-sidedness in their handling. Sometimes the results were brilliant, but frequently the handler seemed to be in the way of the dog. At times this handling led to knocked crossbars and even refusals, but more often a less than successful front cross resulted in only a little time loss. This is bad enough in a sport where fractions of a second separate us and competition levels have become quite brutal. Then again, sometimes they were the winners and that is, naturally, what fuels a trend.
Some years followed during which WC-competitors from increasingly more countries resorted to front crossing in the majority of their side changes. As recently as the latest WC, 2006, it finally seems that there is less extremism in using only front crosses for all dogs, handlers and situations. It is quite a relief to see extremely fast border collies and medium sized shelties being controlled from behind, by handlers who use rear crosses as well as front crosses. And we even got to see some blind crosses at this year's WC. The agility experience is naturally enhanced by variety.
One-sided front crosses Now it is time for some criticism of the enormously popular front cross! I have never understood how you can manage front crosses in certain situations without wasting time. For me agility is about giving the dog information about the path it is to take and the sooner the better. The dog will run faster than you, just give it the information and it will choose the most economical path by itself at the greatest possible speed. Of course, choosing a handling alternative should be about weighing up all the several conditions. Each situation is unique, as is each dog and handler. Taking all this into consideration, it becomes obvious we should have more than one alternative to choose from, to enable us to make the right choice for the right occasion.
If you use up all your energy in trying to make it ahead of your dog, the risk factor rises exponentially. If you are in the way you will literally stop the dog in its tracks. Additionally, you may not be able to give the dog information about where to go next. The difficulty of the front cross lies in that if you are not done turning, the moment the dog checks you out to confirm the next directional, your body language will be incorrect and, in the worst case scenario of the dog getting the wrong directional information, it may lead to an elimination. At best, you will have a confused dog that will reduce its speed waiting for a clearer cue. Nevertheless, you will have lost time.

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Rear cross disadvantages The rear cross also has its disadvantages. Simply because the dog doesn't have eyes in the back of its head! Dogs do have a wider range of lateral vision than humans, because their eyes aren’t placed in the front of their faces as our's are. But they don't have 360 º lateral vision. That means you have to be aware of what we call the dog's “blind spot”. If you come into that position for more than a moment, the dog may reduce its speed to give you a chance to signal better, or even turn its head to see what you are doing, both of which can result in the dog running by an obstacle or knocking down a jump. It is therefore necessary, in some cases, to be very particular about the placing you choose in a rear cross, so the dog can see your signals in time.
It is possible, through training, to have a dog that will go on and take the obstacle ahead of it, in spite of the handler changing direction behind the dog, before it has reached the given obstacle. Most untrained or inexperienced dogs will turn at the same time the handler does, in other words ignore the obstacle ahead because the handler's motion shows he or she is about to turn. When you work behind the dog, see to it that, as far as possible, you stay at an angle to the side, so that the dog can still see you and work ahead without interruption.
Sounds that help with turns during a rear cross Many handlers use audible cues to clarify their side change behind the dog. Hand clapping and shouting to the dog are the most common. Many use the dog's name to get its attention. You can also use the dog’s name as a signal to let it know it is time to change direction.
In the interest of thoroughness, I should point out it is also possible to use a rear cross to signal the handler's intention for the dog to go on straight ahead. It is naturally something that can be learned, but most choose the easiest way; using a rear cross to mark a turn.
Slowing the dog intentionally using a front cross Front crosses are sometimes used as a tool in intentionally slowing the dog down. For instance, when the dog's trajectory carries it in a certain direction and an off-course obstacle is within range. If the handler doesn’t trust the dog to turn with him or her and fears the obstacle ahead may have too great a power of attraction, the handler can intentionally use the front cross as a way to take control, make contact and reduce the dog's speed all at the same time. The turn will not suffer when the dog is forced to stop and change direction, but the dog will be controlled by the handler when he or she more or less blocks the dog, and thus steers it into the correct direction again. Handlers who choose to do this evidently think this is a better alternative to the dog eliminating itself by taking the wrong obstacle.
Physical restraints on the handler It is an indisputable fact that physical abilities determine which side change

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you should choose. It is true the dogs compete against each other and it is only their times that matter. It is equally true that both young and old, boy or girl can compete in agility under the same conditions, because it is the dogs’ results that count. All the same, conditions are not all that equal between the handlers. It is certainly not easy to get into the right position when you have short legs, little speed or low strength. Bad knees can also exclude quick front crosses, where you have to turn up to 360º lightening fast. The younger, more agile handlers, with more strength and speed and those with longer legs have fewer handicaps keeping them from their goal. Watching some of the fast men on the course may make you envious. You may feel like they ought to be competing in their own division, it is not really the same when the man with a small or a medium dog can be a step ahead all times to show the way; every potential difficulty disappears as if by magic! On the other hand it is an unbelievably exhilarating challenge to develop the level of understanding between dog and handler that enables the dog to complete a course correctly and at speed without the handler always being right there to point out the way ahead.
Good front crosses are hard work The challenge of front crosses is to make them really perfect, only then will they be useful in assisting the dog to know exactly where to go without having to look over its shoulder. On top of that they can create a powerful attraction for the dog to run even faster to catch up to the handler. Executing a perfect front cross requires a thorough knowledge of your dog's natural speed so that you know how much time you will have to make the turn. To put it simply, when you need to be where! And that is not that simple! Especially with a dog that is still in the developmental stages of training and is continually changing its speed. Incidences of handlers who think they can make it to a certain position to turn and don't make it, are common. We have all been there!
The crux of a good front cross is to make sure that you are facing the right way at the moment when the dog needs a cue to indicate the correct path, when the dog is up close to you. This is the very latest moment that you should be facing the right direction. Otherwise you will waste time in bringing the dog back into the right path after it has veered off course due to the faulty information you gave by not being in position in time. Even worse: it could take the wrong obstacle. In contrast there is the great advantage of showing the dog the correct direction as it approaches, then the dog can place itself optimally on the course to choose the tightest path to the next obstacle.
Walking the course = decision time It is while walking the course, when you read and memorise the course before your run, that is the time to decide what crosses to use. This is the time to consider where you believe the dog will be at any one instant, and if you will be able to make it to the required position with your body language accurately indicating the correct path. Naturally it takes a lot of repetition and experience, both of courses and of the timing estimation itself, before

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you can expect to be able to make the right decision. But the most important thing before this happens is for you not to be influenced too much by what everyone else does while walking the course. Even if almost everyone does a front cross in a certain place, it is not to say it is the safest solution for yourself and your dog. The idea is to be sure of yourself, if you take a chance on something you may not be able to do, that may lead to your dog going off course, knocking a jump or running by an obstacle. Only you know how quickly you can move and how fast your dog is; you are both unique. Of course, it may be advantageous to consult with fellow trainers who also have a good knowledge of how fast you and your dog are and your personal ability of executing a front cross. Sometimes it may be only a matter of believing in yourself. On the other hand, if you don’t believe you will make it, you probably won’t. It is all about being absolutely convinced that it will work, then it probably will.
The future is flexible At the latest Nordic Championships in December 2006, we were treated to an extremely high quality show of runs by many, many very fast and clear dogs in three height categories. As usual there were very many front crosses on the course. But this time there were a few Border Collie handlers who displayed a different strategy to that of the majority. In order not to lose a fraction of a second on unnecessary delays brought about by the handler being unable to execute a perfectly timed front cross ahead of an explosive dog, we saw some rear crosses in places where almost everyone else did a front cross. It was very exciting and inspiring to see more alternatives in handling choices instead of everyone doing the same thing!